Transform your humdrum life in 5 steps
You are a single woman who is frustrated because your
life and relationships are humdrum and mundane. Time to make some changes. What are you really passionate about? What makes your heart sing? Are you waiting
for a relationship to make your life begin? It’s time to step out of your comfort zone and begin to live a life that
has energy and momentum.
Step 1 – Move
out of Indecision
As a singles coach many of the women I speak to are
indecisive about their lives and particularly about relationships. They seem to be in a rut and don’t know
how to find the time, energy or focus to be any other way
Ask yourself the questions; is my life as I would like
it to be? Do I have a picture of how I
want my life to look in a year, 2 years, and 5 years? I suggest that if you want your life to be
different you first have to start with your own vision. Part of this vision will probably include a
relationship.
Step 1 is
to build your vision, give yourself time and space to do this – get yourself a
notebook, look at all areas of your life, including relationships, and write
down how you would life to look.
Step 2 – Moving
from trying to doing
Part of the problem for single women is that they do
not know how to make the changes in their attitudes and actions. Quite a lot of the time I hear women say
that they will ‘try’ to do something. Have you ever “just tried” to pick up a cup? “Just trying” ends in failure because you will
not complete the action.
So now you have a vision - how are you going to make it
happen? How are you going to convert
“trying” into “doing”?
Step 2 is
about learning not just to dip your toe in the water but to take the plunge. Look
at the work you have done on your vision and ask yourself “What is the one
thing I can do today which will move me towards that vision?” This action will often be very small but it
is a step taken and achieved.
Step – 3 Change
Change is not half-hearted, it has energy and dynamism. It is about having a headline for your life
that says “I know where I am heading and I am walking in that direction”. So in Step 2 I talked about taking the
first steps. Although these may be small
at first the aim is for you to get your life in motion and find more energy for
yourself.
Step 3 is
about how to find that energy. If you
want to achieve lasting change in your life you are going to have to feel
successful in the steps you are taking. What are you really passionate about that you are not doing now? What makes your heart sing? I suggest you concentrate on those areas of
life that will bring you the biggest gains first. That means not necessarily looking at the
relationship part first, but perhaps looking at those parts that you can
achieve on your own.
Step 4 –
Commitment to yourself first
Guess what, you need to fix your life first and a
relationship that you desire will follow. This sounds like a tall order but I can assure you it works like
that. Your first commitment is to
yourself and getting all the pieces of your life in order so that you can have
the future that you desire. How can you keep that commitment?
Step 4 is
you putting your agenda at the top of your list of priorities. This is not about being selfish but about
being self-focused and self-disciplined. For example, you have promised yourself that you will do a particular
task that will move you towards your vision. A friend phones, she is lonely and would like to meet for a drink. It is easy for you to give up on your task, you want to be a good friend - but it is more important to remind yourself
about your priorities. After all, you
can meet her tomorrow night. So don’t
be distracted from those things that move you further down your path.
Step 5 – Making
a plan and sticking to it.
It is so easy to let life get in the way and find
yourself back where you were. Therefore
the most important part is having a plan for your life and for relationships
that will keep you focused on moving forward.
My suggestion is that Step 5 is for you draw up a plan. It will have different areas for the different parts of your life. Then ask yourself, “What can I do this week,
this month, in the next 6 months to move forward? Now it is time to make appointments with
yourself, put your tasks in your diary. Be kind to yourself and don’t make them too big or too many, just slow
and steady. See yourself being
successful as you tick them off week by week. Don’t forget to celebrate your
successes.
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